Making Space for Lost Time

One day while lunching at a communal table, the fellow opposite me engaged the surrounding strangers in a conversation to pass the time as he ate. Happy to oblige, I listened as numerous participants shared stories of how they came to formulate their own belief system, based upon their unique life experiences. After a decent 50 minutes, the main provocateur slipped into an existential crisis, panicking that such a small act of treading on an ant may affect the entire outcome of the universe. Concerned conversationalists lingered momentarily, sparing additional minutes they clearly did not have, until the group of strangers unanimously decided to wish the fellow well and resume their day, forever changed from the strange interaction.

As someone who instinctively attracts eccentric and peculiar persons, situations, and events, this phenomenon of comprehending the incomprehensible can be very tiring. Often its easier to entertain a ‘live and let live’ attitude, allowing unexplainable memories to drift into the past. For me, I experience an imprint that remains in the form of a lingering feeling – that sense of unresolved insight. This haunting tugs at your sleeve, impatient for resolution, desperately desiring to be released from the bookshelf of ‘I don’t know’ topics in one’s mind. Like a persistent child, a distraction will not cease its inquisitiveness, for it merely hovers in the background until it’s been attended to.

The process of reflection creates enough space between the lived event and the felt sensations in one’s body. I’m certain it wouldn’t be difficult for anyone to recall a bout of food poisoning, a night of heavy drinking, or an experience of heatstroke to remember both the memory and the feeling of illness. At the crossroads between re-living a memory for resolution or relinquishing our attachment to an outcome, self-compassion becomes the key to unlocking this dilemma.

The greatest challenge of my daily life is how well I generate a balance between a memory contained in the past, alongside a stress reaction of the present. This destabilising feeling is uncomfortable, believing one day everything is completely resolved with no reactive charge remaining, to the sudden realisation I’ve still got work to do. The practice of self-compassion in this moment of despair re-arranges the timeline of events to work in my favour. Instead of perceived hopelessness, believing one’s efforts are insignificant against the weight of an issue, I change the question: Did this day propel me closer to my desired destination? The answer is always yes, because we learn through experience.

With change (or rather noticeable change,) time seems to pass more suddenly. The milestones of increased consciousness compress time in between as a space to process thoughtful awareness. We consider where we began, where we ended up, achieving kindness and tolerance for the hard work we endured - regardless of the outcome. It becomes impossible to judge the struggle because we experience it firsthand, enabling us to empathise and make allowances for others’ misunderstandings with ease.

The existence of lost time in our lives creates a chance for personal growth that far exceeds the investment. Like a time-capsule, impressions of confusions can be dug up from the depths of our memories when circumstances allow a clearer perspective. Now as I reflect upon the fellow at lunch, I realise he was still formulating his distinctive set of beliefs and desired encouragement from others. Perhaps that’s why the memory still lingers after all this time – to remind me make allowances for the process of understanding.